Games of fate
by Desdemona85
Summary: Sometimes fate plays the strangest games on us... A series of short pieces, from Jane's POV... the pairing should be obvious already :D
1. Fate

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.... blah blah blah... **

**So I have some random pieces that didn't exactly go anywhere... I wouldn't exactly call them drabbles since they are longer that 100 words... but they're under 1000 words so I guess they do fit in the extended sense of "drabble" This is first of a few random pieces that crossed my mind...**

Fate, fate… a concept I do believe in after all this time. One I denied a long time ago, when the fate laid out for me simply didn't suited my interests, my longings. Then things changed… I was changed from the fragile, beautiful girl to an almost unbreakable creature with unlimited mental power… almost unlimited, anyway.

Then I believed in fate. It was my fate to hold this power, immortality… it's one of the human memories I still recall clearly. It's not the pain of my changing; although unendurable… it's more about embracing my fate… or embracing a fate that has been forced upon me.

Witches! They trialed and sentenced us to death for being witches. We were 14… life had barely begun for us. In what sick-minded world you take children from their parents and trial them for witchcraft? We didn't even do anything...

I remember the fire all too well, the burning, the pain… it's what I inflict on others… the pain I felt, the fear… God, how I wished it would just end then, how I begged for death… then he came, our savior. Aro.

He was my very last memory as a human and my very first into this existence… my savior, my friend, my guide, the only one I could rely on other than my brother. My gratitude and loyalty towards him are tremendous, as they should be.

I had always trusted him, believed in him even during my changing… I was in pain… Oh, pain doesn't even cover it, but I trusted him.

Not once had my tortured mind doubted I would be saved… I had no explanation for my blind trust then… I haven't had one for a very long time… now I do… I was choosing him in a way, my soul was choosing Aro…

Stupid, emotional, ridiculous Jane! I've willingly given my very soul to one that wouldn't even care to ask for it.

Aro is a collector, I am nothing more than a precious gem to him, I am fully aware of that. I am fully aware of him belonging to another…

That doesn't stop the wishing though… the wishing for fate to finally step in and bring him to my arms…

Ah, stupid, stupid, ridiculous, emotional Jane…


	2. Humans

**Disclaimer: You all know I don't own them, Stephanie Meyer does so...**

**Continuing my list of short pieces... **

**Read&Review! :)**

I sit at my window and look down at the people in the piazza…

Humans… residents of Volterra… therefore non edible. It's unbelievable how safe they were across the most terrible predator on earth.

They walk, they laugh, they don't even take time to enjoy the warmth of the sun on their skins… they take it for granted… but haven't I as well when I was like them?

Now I can't go out in the sun… I wish I could just take a walk… enjoy the beautiful Mediterranean summer day… but I can't so instead I sit on my window frame and look at them… envy them.

They get by so easy, these humans… they don't even have so much rules to stick to… Their lives are so fragile… so… easy to lose.

Damn them! They even get death too easily… if they want an end it would be so easy for them… and they have so many painless ways to get it done…

They should be happy; they shouldn't complain… they should thank God everyday for their passing, short and changing lives. They should thank for growing old… they should thank for the sun, for every tear drop…

"You like the sun, don't you?" I hear his voice from behind me. He didn't knock… or he might've but I was too lost in my bitter thoughts to even pay attention.

"I do… but it doesn't matter… I can't go for a walk, now can I?" I said bitterly turning to look at him. My master, my savior, my friend, my love… but not my lover! Never my lover. Never!

"No you can't." he replies gently coming to stand beside me, leaning against the wall. "But it does matter that you like it, Jane! Everything you like or dislike matters…" he continues and I just look at him, glittering in the warm sun rays, not understanding a thing. He is beautiful... Like the angel I believed him to be when he saved me from the fire... I cannot tear my eyes off him, so I stare dreamily like the fool that I am.

He smiles somewhat wistfully then simply brushes a strand of my hair from my face.

"And you should like the sun, you're so beautiful under its rays…" he ads and simply cups my face in his hand, his thumb brushing over my lips for a second. I lean into his touch with a sigh knowing my every thought is his now.

He knows I love him now… all the walls have shattered, all the apparent apathy, leaving intense, overwhelming love wash it all away.

And pain… unendurable pain…

He leans in and kisses me lightly, gently… and before I could think, my body acts as if it had a will of its own and my lips eagerly return his caresses. He takes in a sharp breath and pulls away a little surprised.

"I am sorry, Jane… I am sorry for taking so much away from you… I am sorry for not being capable of giving into you as I wish… I am sorry I cannot lose the control I fought so hard to gain… "He whispers caressing my face, my neck.

My mind is clouded with confusion and pleasure and pain and joy and… I take long deep breaths trying to calm myself but his scent simply tortures my senses.

"I am sorry, Jane! I truly am!" he ads and the next moment he is gone, leaving me alone… once again in misery… forever… and ever…

Damn humans! They get by so easily… while I… I ..


	3. Getting out of hand

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ttwilight or any of its characters... I enjoy 'playing' with them though....**

**So I guess I'm trying to glue some pieces together here... I never wrote multi-chapter anything... so... but it all simply falls into place... my random notes... things I never thought I'd continue and make them into something... So do review! Constructive criticism and suggestions are always welcome... I wouldn't mind a bit of guiding here... :)**

"Jane…" I turn around to look at him. I am ready.

Newborns haven't caused troubles ever since the little Seattle incident with Victoria and the Cullens. But it looks like the Mexican covens are at it again… newborn armies… Good lord! Some never learn! And I thought life in Volterra would be boring…

But this is good; getting away… it could distract me… from my pain… from my love…

_You wish!_ That stupid little voice in my head whispers.

I will be distracted… for a few hours at least… I will forget that he nor rejects me, nor accepts my feelings… and his own. I can understand that… at a logical level. He can't afford this… but it's already done. It's not going away. We torture ourselves this way…

I believed it to be a relief that he was somehow in the same torment I were in… because _we_ cannot be…. But it makes it even worse.

The casual and usual greeting with a kiss on the lips that no one ever questioned…

It beats me why! Perhaps because Aro is just Aro… he would give Caius a hug if he allowed it and Aro would be sure it would not be a threat to his physical integrity… So no one ever saw more behind that kiss… no one sees the pain, the yearning behind that _innocent_ display of affection…

"Jane…" he calls again.

"Caius must be waiting for me" I say curtly trying to pass him by but he catches my arm gently, as if he fears I would break, shatter like a porcelain doll under his grasp.

"He is. But you're not going, Jane!" his voice firm and ridiculously protective. Jane Volturi doesn't need being protected... yet she longs for it.

"What do you mean?" I inquire. I'm not going? I never missed a fight. I was way too useful on the field… almost as useful as my brother… almost.

"I cannot bring myself to endanger you anymore… I cannot bear knowing you there… you're vulnerable… surely Isabella Cullen is not the only mental shield…And knowing her I have to take this aspect to consideration… we're not invincible anymore." he says as he caresses my arm, my shoulder soothingly, probably unaware of his own actions.

"I know how to handle a fight Aro… I am not bound to my mental power alone…"

"I know! But I can't seem to reason about this… I cannot let you go… I… it's complicated Jane…" he sighs then gently traces my face with his other hand, fingertips barely brushing against my skin, leaving tingling, invisible traces…

"Hasn't it always been complicated for us?" I ask bitterly but he suddenly releases his hold on me. I hear Caius footsteps and I immediately understand why.

"Well, if the diva may grace us with her presence so we could leave…" he begins, biting sarcasm dripping from his every word. I got used to this… it's nothing personal. It's just Caius.

"She won't!" Aro cut him off firmly, leaving no place for argument.

"You're kidding me! We're already late Aro. I am in no mood for this right now! Come, Jane!"

"She's not coming, Caius! Take Afton, Corin and Renata." he added calmly.

"Renata is your personal guard! Since when does she leave your side?" Caius was pondering between being furious or just extremely curious about it all.

"Since I am perfectly safe and capable of taking care of myself. I needn't hide behind a guard in my own home, dear brother. I think Jane will be just enough"

"Jane is not a shield!"

"My point exactly! You may need Renata more out there, brother."

"Damn it Aro! This is insane! And it's getting old already. Jane is not Didyme! She's not your sister!" Caius burst out almost angrily. "No offence, child." He then whispered to me realizing I was still there, in the shadows. As if I had been invisible the entire time… I hadn't draw in a breath or moved at all indeed.

"Well, thank Lord she isn't! I wasn't too good at taking care of my sister, now was I?" he said bitterly and I was perhaps the only person that knew the dark secret hiding behind those words. Not because he had confided in me about anything... but for I know him... I understood... I simply knew...

"You of all should know dwelling in guilt will get you nowhere. None of us knows how in the world it has occurred! Get over it Aro! Or you will undo us all!" Caius was furious now.

"Oh but I am guilty, dear brother! I alone could've helped that from happening." He said darkly.

"Fine! I'm taking Renata! But mock my words brother, dear! If your stupid obsession goes out of hand, heads will roll! And I fear it shall not be by my hand. We have enemies out there Aro! And they know we can be defeated thanks to your dear friend Carlisle!"

Caius turned around and left, slamming door on his way out and cursing.

I as well slipped out the door, unable to look at Aro.

I could take putting myself in danger... but endangering him.... Just the thought of it was excruciating.

Things were getting out of hand...


	4. Abandon

**Disclaimer: They're not mine(sniff, sniff... )**

**So I go on... rambling and exploring Jaro... I'm trying different views on it... actually I pretty much write whatever I feel at the moment...**

I sit on the roof and gaze into the quiet, warm night. It smells of jasmine and lilac and earth and grass… the air is heavy… the sky covered in dark clouds that hide the moon.

I smile as the warm summer rain begins falling, in huge drops over me, soaking my clothes, my hair, dripping over my skin as if it were stone…

I take in a deep breath and look up at the sky. The others are in a mission in Mexico… the mission he refused to let me take part in.

I avoided Aro for two days, although I have remained behind as his personal guard. I just needed to think I guess…

Of course I am mostly thinking of him… fantasizing like an idiot of things that would never happened no matter how desperately I wanted them… No matter how much he wanted them as well…

Trust Aro to reason above everything.

"There you were!" Heidi exclaims leaning out the window to see me. "You're ruining your dress, you know?" she ads shaking her head in disapproval.

"No offence. Heidi… but I'd like to be alone…" I say sighing and trying to look bored out of my mind.

"Aro wants to see you! Should I tell him you'd like to be alone…?"

"No, it's alright!" I get up and slip in through the open window.

"You may want to go change…" she says looking at my silky, peach summer dress that is completely soaked.

"Probably," I shrug trying to smooth the lithe fabric, but without the slightest intention of going to change.

"I'll see you later." Heidi tells me eyeing Demetri on the other end of the hall.

"Ok!" I reply amused. Can they be more obvious? I wonder if they even realize how lucky they are… how simple things are for them.

I walk to Aro's study. It's all quiet… too quiet tonight. The only sound is that of the rain, outside… it's somewhat comforting although it's pouring furiously, in big drops… it will be over soon… summer rain is rare and doesn't last long in sunny Tuscany.

I enter without knocking and expecting him to look up from a book but instead he's just gazing out the window, into the rainy night.

"You called for me?" I ask not moving from the close door behind me.

"You've been avoiding me." he states with a painful sigh.

"Yes!" I admit. What's the point in lying? He'll just have to touch me and know the truth.

"I don't like it, Jane." He whispers turning to face me and leaning against the window frame. He's not wearing his usual robe… just normal, plain black jeans and shirt. And the contrast with his white, fragile-looking skin is stunning. And he's beautiful… and I can't help myself starring like an idiot.

"You're starring!" he points out forcing a small smile.

"So are you!" I reply shrugging, realizing he hadn't looked away from me a single moment.

"Walking in the rain, I see…"

"Sitting on the roof, in the rain, actually." I tell him and relax a bit.

"Water compliments you, just as sun does. You're beautiful." He says sighing. "Jane… I…"

"You what, Aro?" I question suddenly feeling bold. "You what? You can't? Well, I say abandon your stupid defenses and I'll show you, YOU CAN! _We_ can!" I plead walking over to him.

"It's not that simple! I love you, Jane!" he says sincerely intensely and I smile holding out my hand for him to take.

"I know!" I state firmly. "Come…" my voice is barely a whisper this second time. He takes my hand hesitantly then holds it gently and I feel nervous all of a sudden, my knees threaten to give out on me but I walk steadily, leading the way to my room. I know what I want.

I want him… I can't help the nervousness and fear though…

"Fear? You fear me, Jane?" he asks gently, worriedly, leaning me against my door. I would laugh if I weren't so nervous.

"No! Not you, not _us_… "I say sincerely looking him in the eyes. How do I say to him I only fear I won't be enough?

"Oh, for crying out loud Jane!" he mutters as he hears my thoughts and presses his lips on mine as he unlocks the door behind me and I almost stumble backwards. But his arms get a firm grasp on my waist steadying me and pulling me to him.

"Jane, you don't have to… he whispers among gentle kisses. "I can wait… it's alright…"

"I can't! I've waited enough!" the words leave my lips as I think them.

Wait? What for? I'm not going to change, neither is he… We're here now, alone, safe from curious eyes and ears…why waste our time on waiting?

Waiting for what? The right time? The right time is now!

"I love you, Jane! Never doubt that, never!" he whispers against my lips and I know he's mine now; he's abandoned himself to me. He loves me, he trusts me!

And I feel glorious and I abandon myself to him just as willingly.


	5. Beauty

**Disclaimer: Don't own them!**

**So... how would you call this "fluff" or something? Well... blame it on sleepless nights and exams and a few notes I had laying around... **

**Oh and that thing about beauty was a very popular idea supported by the church(or some idiotic priests... I'd rather believe it was some twisted idea of a few individuals rather than a collective belief) during Middle Age... even Renaissance if I am not wrong... I know it's ridiculous(Ugh! Imbeciles!) **

Beauty…

Beauty was something I was taught I possessed… I wasn't aware of it myself, in my human life, as short as it was… But others saw it and my mother as a good catholic that she was, listened to the advice of her priest and taught me it was devil's doing. A beautiful woman was a sinner by definition… I couldn't even be called a woman when I was told that.

I wasn't a sinner… I wasn't even a witch… I even prayed every night… I didn't want to be a damned, I didn't want to grow into a beautiful woman and lead innocent men to perdition…

I don't remember my mother all that well… my human memories are rather hazy… clouded…

It's her ridiculous teachings that have stayed with me…

Funny how my prayer's been partially answered… I didn't turn into a beautiful woman… not entirely… I was changed at 14… forever trapped in this body… nor a child, nor a woman… a awkward combination of the two… a lithe figure, not completely childish, not as curvaceous as a woman's should be either… right in between…a broken little ballerina… I am not beautiful… I am monstrous.

Still I managed to lure a man away from his wife… and I feel guilty… for not feeling any remorse over it… for I am enjoying this…

His hands stop tracing my spine and I realize he heard every thought.

"Jane… you've got nothing to feel guilty for." He whispers reassuringly in my ear and kisses the top of my head lightly.

"I don't feel guilty… that's just it!" I whisper raising my head to look him in the eyes. I've been stupidly bold in my actions earlier, although my hands trembled, although if I were human my face would've burnt crimson… There was no place for embarrassment, for insecurity, for shame… there was only him and my wild emotions taking over. It mattered not that I haven't done this before or knew what to expect from it exactly…I knew the "mechanics" so to speak… hell I knew more than I would've liked knowing… vampires simply have a too accurate hearing for their own good.

But none of what I knew seem to matter… I couldn't think… I needed to feel… to let go…I knew I needed him, I knew he loved me… and good Lord, how I do love him!

Now, after my boldness and will of making him surrender to me, to my feelings, to his own have mysteriously vanished along with bliss I am insecure again. How this beautiful creature could lie so peacefully here with me is simply beyond my comprehension. Not when he had a stunningly beautiful woman waiting for him… a real woman… not a half one…

"You realize you are being utterly ridiculous, right?" he laughs amused kissing me. "How can you think I would even consider comparing you to anyone for that matter… or believe you are half anything? Or that you aren't a real woman… you look quite real to me… you feel real. "His tone is suddenly serious.

"You are far from monstrous, Jane! Who in the world would even consider such a thing? You donnot see yourself clearly, my love, you never did." He continues, fingertips brushing my cheek, my temple, then my neck, my collarbone.

"You are beautiful, you've always been… and it's not a sin that you were born this way. You should've been taught to revel in your beauty, not try and hide it." He ads sincerely, with a smile.

" You seem so fragile, delicate… I know you're not. Still I can't help the need to protect you, to touch you ever so lightly; afraid that you would shatter or disappear into thin air proving something so perfect cannot exist.

It's not a sin Jane, it's a gift, to be so beautiful… so perfect… It's not a sin to love either… There's nothing wrong with you, Jane!" He assures me with a smile. His words are sincere, his tone almost… worshipping? Towards me, the witch, the demon child…

Trust Aro to always have his way with words.

"Stupid mind reader!" I mumble annoyed. I feel beautiful now… lying in his arms, with his fingertips running lazily over my bare skin, ever so lightly, just as he claimed, with him gazing at me as if I am the most stunning sight ever. It's what I wanted, isn't it? To be his… him to be mine… in every possible way. And now I have it… he is here, with me, for me.

Beauty is such a subjective concept, after all…

He laughs softly at my last thought and pulls me into a passionate kiss.

"Beauty is an universal concept, beloved Jane!" he teases kissing me again and I give into him willingly.


	6. Alec

**Disclaimer: not mine!**

**How would Alec react when he found out what his twin had been up to lately...?**

"Have you lost your mind?!?!" the apparently calm in my brother's voice hid great fury and bitter disappointment.

And it took all hell to get my twin furious.

Perhaps that was indeed the case… hell would break loose on account of me.

Alec was so unlike me, as if we were opposites but always in perfect balance. I was wild, he was tame, I was furious and passionate and emotional, he was calm, gentle, calculating.

"No, Alec. I assure you I am perfectly fine, mentally and physically." I replied trying to make him at ease… oh but I was not good at this… it was him that calmed me down…

"He is married Jane! This is wrong… how could you? You'll break, Jane… you will and I fear I would not be able to save you… why Jane? What is the meaning of all this? "

He didn't understand. Not for a single second. He's always been a child, unlike me…

I can't even remember when I stopped being a child… perhaps while waiting for my execution that fateful night, centuries ago. That put an end to whatever remaining of childhood in my mind.

"Alec, I love him!" I state honestly, looking him in the eyes.

"Of course you do, he saved our lives..."

"It's not that, Alec… I… it's hard to explain… "

"You believe yourself in love with Aro? Good Lord, Jane! What do you know of that kind of love, of anything?" he can't help grimacing at that. "What are you trying to do, Jane? Grow up? We can't, you know we can't! This is stupid. You're not a woman, Jane… you needn't prove to anyone that you are… no one wants you to be…" his tone was comforting and reassuring but his words cut deep into my soul. It hurt… it hurt so badly. And it made sense in a way… for anyone who looked at me, not knowing me but Alec should've known better… or perhaps…

I should've expected it. Alec could understand many things about me and knew me so well… he was my twin after all; we were two halves of a whole, in some ways. And in the same time he would never understand my longings, the fact that I was mentally a woman. I believe that he never wanted to face that… knowing my dear brother he would believe it would somehow draw us apart.

We promised we'd always be together and never keep things from each other and yet I hid from him the most crucial experience in my life…

I promised I'd never grow up without him. It hurt now… the broken promise…

It hurt to realize that I indeed have grown up without him.

"What do you expect now Jane? Of him to what… leave his mate for a child? Don't you realize you… you cannot give him… _that kind_ of love…"

"Alec… _I _am his mate!" I stated firmly, knowing it was the truth. "And I can give him anything _she _can… hell, I guess I can offer him a bit more!" I added the last part without thinking and looking at my brother now made me wish I hadn't.

Shock wasn't enough to describe it.

"You didn't! Tell me you didn't!" he whispered and I knew very well what he referred to. I didn't answer or looked at him, hoping he would take my silence any way it suited him. But I knew him so well. And he knew me.

"Oh, Jane… what have you gotten youself into? It's too late to stop this foolishness then…"

"I am his, Alec. And despite everything you and anyone else may think he is mine! It's not foolish and it's not a crime! We love each other Alec… there's nothing wrong with love. Nothing!" I said desperately.

Oh, there was nothing wrong with love, I knew that much, I felt that much but in this world… in Aro's carefully built empire… love could be our undoing.

"There's nothing wrong with me and Aro, Alec… we're just in the wrong world, wrong time…this world is wrong Alec! We're right, the world is wrong. They're all wrong!" I sobbed desperately breaking down in front of him.

"Of course there's nothing wrong with you, little sister." He whispered embracing me protectively.

"It'll be alright, Jane… I hope." He added soothingly and I didn't have to look at him to know he shook his head in disapproval. Yet, here he was by my side.

And I knew nothing will ever change that.

His bitter disappointment in me and Aro didn't hurt any less though.


	7. For now

**Long time no update. I've been sort of busy with musical studies and summer job... oh well... I seem to have no more time, It's maddening really. I can't wait for the autumn.**

I lie peacefully in his arms as his fingertips draw random patterns on my back. I know he'll have to leave soon enough… too soon. It's always too soon.

I know there is no other way for us… we take advantage of whatever stolen moments we can… always hiding, sneaking like criminals. Lying, deceiving… whatever it takes for a moment with each other… and I cannot get myself to feel guilty enough for I feel this is worth. This is worth more than the world. He presses a tender, reassuring kiss on my forehead, knowing my thoughts then simply buries his face in my hair with a heavy sigh.

There is no other way for us. I can't help wishing there was, though.

"So do I, Jane, so do I." he whispers and I sigh then press a kiss on his lips. He's here with me now and that is all that matters.

"Are you happy?" I ask suddenly breaking the kiss and looking in his eyes and he smiles.

"Now or in general?" he questions an eyebrow raised.

"Both, I guess."

"I am happy now." He replies intensely, drawing my collarbones with his fingertips, eyes focused on my mouth.

"I make you happy then?" He laughs at that and kisses me quickly.

"Need you ask, Jane? Of course you do. I love you." His voice is gentle and reassuring and there's another hint of something there… something I don't manage to decipher.

"And in general… are you happy in general?" I need to know… I can't read his thoughts, I just… it's just so difficult for me. The lies, the hiding, the cheating, the doubt, the fear… sometimes it's just…

"Too much?" he questions lovingly. "I know. Jane, I know you deserve better than this, I know _I _do not deserve you but… I am selfish, Jane. And possessive and mindless for I cannot bring myself to let you go… I can't even bear the thought of doing that…"

Good Lord, what is he saying? Let me go? Why? I don't want to be free. He laughs somewhat bitterly.

"Don't worry, my love, you'll never be!"

"Good!" I whisper kissing him.

"I'm not happy, _in general,_ Jane… I used to be..." He laughs bitterly. "No, I never was… I used to think I was though. I ignored the acute feeling of something missing… someone… But now… now…it's just not enough." He whispers looking at the ceiling for a few moments.

"What would it take to be enough?" I question running my fingers over his face lightly.

"Oh, Jane…" he sighs heavily and silence follows. Then all of a sudden I am laying on my back, soft raven hair falling like a curtain around our faces, his arms tight around my waist, his lips against my own.

"Having you at my side forever and no one daring to question it or be a threat to you would make me happy." He whispers wistfully against my lips. "Having no enemies that would hurt you to get to me and bring the Volturi down would make me happy." another kiss, this time pressed on my left temple.

Then he smiles. Absently. Coldly.

"Come to think of it…" his fingers run though my short disheveled hair then on my cheekbone drawing it gently as if it would break under his touches. "…not being Aro Volturi would make me happy." He continues intensely this time, the cold smile disappearing to be replaced with concern and passion.

"You think?" I question surprised. I knew him well; I knew how much power meant… I always feared his love for power surpassed me. And accepted it. It was part of who he was, I didn't have to think of it… I didn't…

"You thought I love power, control more than you?" he sounds shocked and hurt. "Jane…"

"It's just a thought, a stupid fleeting, meaningless thought of an insecure little girl." I try to laugh it away as I raise my hand to caress his face. And it probably is just that… I can't doubt him. I can't doubt my mate, my life, my all.

"Don't you think I would gladly give it all up if possible? Don't you think running away, getting lost with you has crossed my mind far more often than I would like to admit?" his voice is almost trebling with emotion, the intensity of his gaze almost frightening if it weren't mirrored, probably in my own eyes.

"But it is impossible, Jane… and I am not sure how I feel about that… I am not sure it won't drive me insane one day…" he sighs shutting his eyes tight.

And then it becomes too much, his pained look, the bitter truth of his words.

I reach out and kiss him desperately, my arms slipping around his neck, my fingers in his hair.

"Then now is all that matters, Aro. Let us be happy now!" I plead intensely, heartbreakingly and he nods pressing his lips on mine, holding me as tight as possible.

We're not close enough, we're never close enough.

It's never enough… it's almost insane how much we need each other.

But we are happy… for now. And I have learnt now is all that matters with us for it may be all we have.


	8. Frail

**Disclaimmer: don't own them! **

**Long time no writting... well... actually writting too much but not concluding anything. So... **

"What have they done?" I question barely lifting my head from my book to look at a very angry, inpatient Caius.

"That is none of your business. I need to know who instigated them so I am expecting you to do what you know better." He hisses and I continue my reading.

"Do not ignore me, Jane! Aro may let you get away with quite a lot but I am not my brother!

"I know!" I say shrugging. "I also would appreciate if you told me what they've done. You can't expect me to just come around and torture people mindlessly, master Caius!" This gets on my nerves. The fact that he thinks I enjoy it and I don't care who gets burnt and what for as longs as I get my kick.

And in fact I hate it. I hate the feeling of power it gives me… I hate it; I hate the guilt and self loathing that comes afterwards.

Oh. Why? Why did I have to have a conscience? Why am I so into guilt?

"Well, it never bothered you by now!" he snaps bitterly.

"Oh, you think?!?!" I hiss and leave my book aside. "You think I am a mindless torturer? A tool? Has it crossed your mind that I may not want to take part in an unfair trial for I was condemned in one?" I am angry now, and deeply hurt. I tend to be even more sensitive and emotional lately... I tend to overreact… I know but I can't help it.

Who could? It is not easy! Being the mistress of a married man, loving him more than anything else can't be easy. It is not easy to hide like criminals although we are doing nothing wrong… not really. How could love be wrong?

"I didn't come here to listen to your sudden interest in justice Jane, and you are in no position to question me so I suggest you forget the misunderstood diva moods and get the hell down there and do your thing, fine?"

"And what if this time I don't?" I can't help the insolent question. I know this would trigger one of Caius famous and infamous fits, I know him all too well but right now I don't really care.

"I didn't ask you if you would, I simply commanded you to!" he hisses threateningly.

I simply ignore him and stretch my hand to take my book from besides me but before I can even reach for it I get slapped hardly across the face.

"I am sick of you and your childish moods! I asked something of you and you shall follow orders. Is that clear child?" he says grabbing my shoulders threateningly. And before I could think my anger and self preserving instincts take over and Caius steps back in pained.

I stop the very next instant... it's not like I had the time to actually let my 'gift' unfold but he got the idea. I have attacked him. And I am scared, I know I should be. I have just attacked one of my masters and this is unforgivable.

"You little bitch! How dare you?! I will rip you off myself!"

I have never seen him so angry and Good Lord I know his temper all too well. And I am terrified as he grabs my shoulders violently.

One single word escapes my lips… too low for normal hearing… and I curse myself for being this stupidly weak.

"Aro…"

"He's not here, now is he?" Caius snaps angrily.

"Caius, what in the world do you think you are doing?" Aro's voice is apparently calm but I can literally feel the fury underneath it. And so does Caius.

"Teaching her a lesson!" he replies bitterly releasing me and pushing me backwards angrily.

"I don not approve of your unorthodox ways of teaching lessons, brother!" Aro states angrily coming to stand between us.

"Your little bitch just burnt me!" Caius yells almost ready to attack Aro.

"I would appreciate a more appropriate vocabulary every now and then Caius. We both know Jane wouldn't intentionally harm any of us and she must've felt extremely endangered…"

"You are unbelievable! This will be your undoing, Aro! Do you hear me?" He yells angrily. "And this will not remain unsettled child. I assure you!" he hisses.

"Caius, this ends here! I shall take care that Jane realizes her mistake. You should just remember she is a loyal guard not a slave. She is here by her own choice and out of gratitude and love for this family. As any other of us!" Aro is gaining his composure knowing he has triumphed. Caius can't fight back words, he's not a skilled diplomat nor does he care to be.

"Your keen words won't save you when she finally loses control, Aro. And she is closer to edge each day! But you don't notice… you never notice anything but what suits you. You just need a pet now, a little sister, perhaps, a toy to spoil with your stupid affections." Caius is angry and brutally honest, as it is his nature. And I don't dare to get up from my little corner, nor can I help wondering how much truth really lies beneath Caius painful words.

No, not for a second do I doubt Aro's love and devotion to me. And I am glad Caius can't see the true nature of his 'stupid affections'. It is my own sanity that I so strongly doubt. Caius may be right, I may be closer to the edge each day… and I hold the power to ruin him, my love and everything he ever fought to build.

Caius leaves slamming the door behind him and I hold my knees to my chest trembling… there are so many things that terrify me at this moment. And Caius is the last… I fear I may indeed go insane… and if I do… I have just the means and power to drive everyone insane… with pain, with fear… I am destructive and powerful… so devastatingly powerful it terrifies me…

"Jane… are you all right?" his gentle concerned voice interrupts my dark visions of what may be. In less than a second he kneels besides me and pulls me into a protective embrace kissing my left temple and suddenly flinching at my thoughts.

"He's wrong, Jane! He is wrong!" he says softly yet certainly, reassuringly, holding me tighter. "Caius… he only sees the anger, Jane, I am afraid." He sighs into my hair. "He cannot see the love… he cannot see your absolutely unlimited ability to love. The most unworthy creature, indeed but…"

"What are you talking about. You're the only creature worthy of my love… the only one that should own and keep everything I can give, everything that I am, everything that I am not but wish to be." I murmur finally looking him in the eyes. "I love you!"

"I know! As do I Jane!" he says gently. "Are you hurt?"

"I am unbreakable Aro!" I laugh bitterly and he only holds me tighter.

"Only physically, Jane." He states and kisses me. "What about your heart, what about your soul? They are so frail Jane… look what he's done to you!" he suddenly sounds furious.

"I'll live, you're here to mend it all together, aren't you?" I whisper forcing a smile and he kisses the top of my head.

"Jane, Jane… I only fear I hurt you more than anyone else…" he sighs bitterly.

"Not by your will. It's all right, really… there's no other way. I know that much." I swallow the sob that threatens to escape my chest and let him kiss me.

"I only wish there was…" he voices my own thought before I had thought it.

"I know." I murmur against his lips. "I know."


End file.
